Cartoon Characters

by - March 26, 2009 - - Comment Now »

cartoon_charactersHave you ever dealt with cartoon characters on a day-to-day basis? And I am not talking about weird dreams you may have had about Jessica Rabbit or any silly sketches you may have drawn during a meeting. I mean in reality. People who can’t be real. This happens to me all the time.

Every day I deal with a handful of people who defy description. People who would argue against logic and results with stubborn garbage (a toolish combination of words and rationalizations that cause your face to scrunch up as if you had just seen the Wendigo riding a donkey). When something doesn’t work their solution is to try what didn’t work–harder. Their lie-to-breath ratio is approximately 2.5:1 and I am not even really sure they are breathing. And to top it all off whenever something of any type of importance happens they run around and gyrate as if they are trying to summon rain.

So how do you deal with these kind of people? If I knew for sure I wouldn’t be writing this blog. So far the two best solutions I have found are avoiding them altogether or greeting them with your arms wide, a smile on your face and exclaiming “HEY!” followed by either buddy or pal. You then listen to their gibberish nodding as if it is sensical and proceed to the nearest mirror and remind yourself that you are right and you will not be assimilated.

How these people came to be I do not know. Perhaps Satan created them while on an acid trip. Maybe they are invaders from Planet Asinine. These are my best working theories. I will probably never know or they will explain it to me in a way that no functioning human could comprehend.

I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (or just kills you).

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