by - April 9, 2009 - - Comment Now »


Man drawn and quartered. Young child eaten by dinosaur. Red Sea parted. Should I prepare myself to read about these topics? I mean pirates?

First, let me start by saying that this is a serious issue. Lives are being put in danger and there isn’t anything funny about that. However, I can’t help but meet the news of pirate attacks with a smidgen of incredulity.

It is 2009 and American ships are being attacked by pirates. It is 2009 and American ships are being attacked by pirates (I just wanted to make sure you read that twice). Pardon me, but shouldn’t pirates be a non-threat? If Peter Pan can defeat them I would hope modernly equipped ships would be able to thwart their attempts to swing aboard. We must really be in a recession.

Shouldn’t we call these guys something else? Just so I can treat it with the seriousness it deserves. I don’t want to have to picture some dude with a parrot on his shoulder yelling “arghhhh” when hearing about hostage situations. I was actually trying to find Somalia on a map but every one I looked at had a giant black X marked where Somalia should be.

For the love of the Dread Pirate Roberts what is going on?

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