Golf

by - April 10, 2009 - - 2 Comments »

golf

Golf is not a sport. As evidence I present John Daly. A disturbingly fat man who smokes while golfing. Not before or after but during. I am supposed to believe that he is a professional athlete?

Forget Daly and write him off as an anomaly. As my second piece of evidence I present Phil Mickelson. This guy is considered the second best golfer in the world. What male athlete in another sport needs to wear a sports bra? He looks more like a friend’s dad than an elite physical specimen.

My third piece of evidence? Tiger Woods. The supposed greatest athlete in the world. Tiger looks like he keeps himself excellent condition and no one can deny that he is an unbelievable golfer, which takes a ton of skill. But that is all he is, a golfer. I have no reason to believe that he could beat me in any other sport. I would confidently walk onto a basketball court, football field or race track to face him. And I would relish the opportunity to sink a jumpshot in his face and then let loose one of his patented fist bumps followed by a jubilant and extremely dorky scream. If you were a captain choosing up teams (doesn’t matter the sport) with your friends would you choose Tiger before your buddy who played football in high school 10 years ago?

The reason people treat golf like such a serious sport is because they can relate. As people get older they can’t compete in real sports so they pick up golf. They play with their social network and important people in their professional lives and they want what they do to feel important so they pretend golf is a sport and golfers are athletes.

What they call a sport, I call a walk in goofy clothing. I have swung a golf club before, it is not strenuous. Frustrating maybe, tiring no. I could do it 1,000 times in a row and then still feel the need to work out to get some exercise. People play golf to relax. Sports are fun but I find nothing relaxing about being dunked on by a 6’10 black guy. I would love to take one of these snooty golf purists to the courts. They would be done within five minutes and saying “Man this is hard. I am beat. I’m going to have to play some golf after this.”

Golf is not a sport. You can like it but stop pretending you are witnessing an awe-inspiring athletic achievement. Besides, none of these guys could hold Shooter McGavin’s jockstrap.

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2 Responses to “Golf”

  1. Ben says:

    You are so right. How can it be a sport?!

  2. Golf is NOT a Sport says:

    You are 100% correct Lund.

    People need to face the facts; golf is largely a pastime for rich, fat, misogynistic chain- smoking, white businessmen.

    Golf is the ultimate game for underachievers who aren’t fit and motivated enough to play real sport.

    If golf is a sport then so is hotdog eating or a spelling-bee.

    For ten good reasons why ‘golf is not sport’ look at this site:

    http://golfisnotasport.webs.com/

    All the arguments are well summed-up here.

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