The Bus

by - May 23, 2009 - - Comment Now »

busI am on the bus. Nothing could be worse. I vow to be a success in life from this point forward…if for no other reason then avoiding the bus.

Our bus driver inexplicably decided to exit the New Jersey Turnpike to avoid imaginary traffic. Oddly enough, what do you think we encountered on the local highway? You guessed it…a Cintaur. I felt like we were in bizarro-world Speed. “If we go over 10mph this bus will explode!”

Once we finally got moving I heard a strange, shrill noise. The girl across from me on her cellphone. The sound of her whiny, privileged drivel inspired a homicidal urge the likes of which I did not know I was capable. Never before have I wanted to see someone propelled through the front windshield of a moving vehicle before. That all changed today. Or as she would put it…Umm, actually, I would be like so excited to like fly through some glass onto the highway and bounce off the median. Did you like, umm, see my carcass? Gross!

Silver Spring, Maryland has never seemed so enticing. C’mon bus.

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