Brock Lesnar, Floyd Mayweather and John Cena Vs. Silverback Gorilla

by - September 24, 2009 - - 6 Comments »

Silverback_gorilla for blogThis handicap match would be a doozy. The top heavyweight in mixed martial arts, the top fighter in boxing and the top guy in the wrestling world against the apex ape.

Two-on-one the gorilla makes quick work of his opposition but I think the addition of the third guy makes it a little bit more interesting. The humans can try a bunch of different strategies with a two man advantage. Brock could throw Floyd at the gorilla while Cena comes from behind with a steel chair (I will allow one steel chair to be involved). However, no strategy will be enough to overcome the silverback’s strength and ferocity. The 450 lb. beast possesses the strength of eight men to go along with animalistic tendencies and the agility that comes with frolicking in the jungle.
The only chance the humans would have is to somehow get the gorilla to the ground. That way Brock can apply a submission hold while Mayweather and Cena go to work with fists and stomps. But even if that were to happen, I believe the ape would power back to his feet and get a power boost reminiscent of Hulk Hogan following a finger wag or Super Mario after collecting a star. The gorilla would then proceed to rip them limb from limb.

Floyd may be able to dance and eventually run his way to survival but he would certainly suffer the first loss of his career. Meanwhile, John Cena would be saying “you can’t see me” only because his body parts would be spread out all the over the place and Brock would go from ultimate fighter to ultimate chew toy.

Silverback takes this one. DEAR GOD, THE GORILLA HAS A CHAIR!!!!!!

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6 Responses to “Brock Lesnar, Floyd Mayweather and John Cena Vs. Silverback Gorilla”

  1. eric says:

    cena by himself would just f u it followed by the 5 knuckle shuffle just to add insult to injury

  2. K-Funk Tag Champ says:

    Now handicap matches are right down my alley. But I see a double rockbottom on cena and lesnar followed by JR screaming “MY APE!!! MY APE JUST ATE MY FRIEND FLOYDS FACE!”


    C’mon Lundburg.

    Cena takes the bump, Brock hits the gorilla with the spear, Floyd pays Maurice Clarette to murk the Gorilla with a fully automatic “borrowed” from TI’s armory.

    Winner: Humans
    Length of Match: 22:04

  4. JoeRosario says:

    If you took out cena and added every mick foley personality i’d say there was a fighting chance.

  5. Lundberg says:

    Good point West Coast Jay. I forgot about Floyd’s penchant for criminal activity. Btw, Hov smashed Cam and Jimmy on the third verse of ‘Thank You’. I hope they had some tissues handy.


    Ron Browz is consoling Jimmy through Autotune as we speak. That Cam’ron Gangsta Grillz is fire though. WOOOOO…Ric Flair!

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