Grizzly Bear Vs. Silverback Gorilla

by - April 19, 2010 - - 1 Comment »

There was nothing that happened over the weekend compelling enough for me to write about extensively. But I will touch on a few things quickly…The Mets and Cardinals played a 20-inning game Saturday and I kept hearing people talk about how long and great it was. Watching a seven hour game sounds more like cruel and unusual punishment to me. Ron Artest showed his physicality will give Kevin Durant fits. And rumblings about Ben Roethlisberger’s punishment started to fester. For the record, I think they should suspend his punk ass as long as possible.

Then last night, as I was watching Spurs-Mavs, someone asked me what I would rather be attacked by…a grizzly bear or a silverback gorilla? This got me to wondering the thing I always wonder in these situations, who would win in a fight, the bear or the gorilla? My immediate answer was, I’m not sure but it would be totally awesome.

The size advantage clearly goes to the bear. Grizzlies are three feet tall at the shoulders when on all fours but stand nearly eight feet tall on their hind legs. And they weigh a bit over 1,000 lbs. The gorilla stands close to six feet tall but is particularly outmatched in the pounds department as it comes in at only a little over 400 lbs. (only).

What the ape lacks in size, it may just make up in agility, intelligence and skill. Gorillas have DNA that is 98-99% similar to humans and are known to use tools in the wild. A highly developed primate would have no problem outwitting a grizzly in battle. In addition, the silverback is in charge of protecting its troop and that means viciously battling other male gorillas. Also, it can easily maneuver the terrain by leaping and using the surrounding environment to its advantage. And it possesses the strength of ten men. The gorilla is a formidable opponent.

However, that might not be enough to overcome the sheer power of the bear. Not to mention giant teeth and claws. Plus, grizzlies can run at 34mph. If the bear lands a well placed strike, it could be curtains for mini-Kong. So who do I take?…

I’ll roll with the underdog. The silverback’s long hair might be enough to protect it from grazing blows and after watching this video of a cougar fending off a grizzly using agility and aggression, I convinced myself that the gorilla’s wild and ferocious attacks would be fast and strong enough to send the bear heading in a different direction. (I’m probably being cute with this pick. The bear likely wins a fight to the death.)

I also just decided on Ben Roethlisberger’s punishment. He should have to stand between them as they fight. Dick.

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One Response to “Grizzly Bear Vs. Silverback Gorilla”

  1. Justin C says:

    Tiger Woods is nerdy + funny sleazy, while Ben is just bad bad dude sleazy. Getting your security guard to assist you in the totally agree, he needs to get punished way more than he’s going to.

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